I Am a Person Who Eats Really Fast

April 8, 2011 § 3 Comments

Although I don’t think this quality defines me, it is a part of me and I think we should talk about it.

I just ate a chocolate muffin very fast. You will have to take my word for it, since I didn’t time myself because I was too busy eating very fast. Now that the muffin is gone, I am sitting here trying to remember if I actually liked it or not. Really?

Sometimes I come home starving.* I hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And so I move my body really fast and find anything I can eat right away, which is hard, since most food Ryan and I own has to be prepared. Often I resort to shoving tortilla chips in my mouth or cramming a whole thing of Ritz crackers down my throat. (Speaking of which, why is a serving size only five crackers? Who are the makers of Ritz crackers serving here? Mice?) If there are fruits or vegetables, I will shove down a banana or an apple or carrots too. And if there are brownies, I always eat those too. They are so so good a day old.**

After my very fast eating food fest, I feel better. The headache starts to fade, things become clearer and I feel like I can stay awake again. But there’s always this feeling that I eat like an animal and that I shouldn’t be here, in society–in civilization.

But then I remind myself that sometimes I’m just hungry–and that’s okay.

But what about the other times, when I’m not really that hungry? What about the times when my plate is finished and Ryan is literally only halfway done? I usually serve myself more to “fit in” and then more to fit in again. But by the time Ryan has finished eating, I’m lying on the couch, moaning over the pasta that has expanded in my stomach, which suddenly feels like one of those really big, super blimps.

*Sometimes I go too long without eating because I’m not hungry, and then when I get hungry, I’m REALLY hungry.

**Cute fact: The only dessert my sister Lissa really enjoys is dessert that includes brownies. (I make them for her when she visits.)

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§ 3 Responses to I Am a Person Who Eats Really Fast

  • Melani.k.andersen@gmail.com says:

    1. I know just how you feel
    2. This post made me laugh so hard I almost started to cry. Thank you for making my day Tara.

  • Sven says:

    I’m a really fast eater, too, and I’m married to one of the world’s slowest eaters. (I know this because when we eat with a large group of people, she is usually just finishing her salad as the dessert menu is getting passed around.)

    Anyway, don’t you think that all these slow eaters should just, like, get a head start. I mean, if they would just go into another room for 20 minutes BEFORE the meal and eat for the whole time, then maybe we could finish at the same time and not have all this pressure to eat more than we should because we are DYING of boredom watching them take really small bites and chewing them for 10 minutes a piece, like they were some ninny in a nursing home with no teeth.

    And brownies totally get tastier with age. Even when the get sort of hard and require quite a bit of chewing. But there was that one time when we were eating at a fancy restaurant, and I got this really stale brownie that I literally couldn’t bite into. When I tried to cut it with a knife and fork, it ended up flying off my plate and crashing into the wall across the room. No kidding. People thought I wasn’t fit for a fancy restaurant–which is true–but this time it wasn’t my fault. Dang good brownie, though.

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